I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
