I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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