How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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