Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
