All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
