Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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