don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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