The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
did i walk over a car last night?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
