just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
