I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
