We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
