I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
