dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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