...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
