I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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