is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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