I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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