I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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