She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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