not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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