Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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