Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
They have beer where we have blood.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
