Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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