"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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