I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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