i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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