I think i sorta joined a cult last night
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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