how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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