Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have demons in me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
