I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
