Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
