Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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