so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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