You smell like a Billy Joel song
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
