I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize