You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
