HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
