if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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