Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
