Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
