I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
