All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
