Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize