accomplished twins. life is a go
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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