i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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