Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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