on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
