cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
