I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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