so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
