remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize