Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
