I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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