I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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