and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
