Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
