I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
