I accidentally had phone sex last night
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
