So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize