I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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