That's intense
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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