No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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