K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize