my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
