I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better