I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties