We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.