Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels