I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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