i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Terrible idea I love it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.