i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
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All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.