I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
barbara walters just said penis...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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